


Almost

by TheCuddleMonster



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26750785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCuddleMonster/pseuds/TheCuddleMonster
Summary: It's not really Lexa but, does it really matter?
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 92





	Almost

It's not reallly Lexa, she reminds herself as this virtual stranger lays down next to her. Her naked flesh is warm and comforting as she presses herself against Clarke's body. 

Absent are Lexa's scars and calluses etched into her and grown from a life of hard work and toil. The earthy smells that alway clung to her are gone. Replaced by skin too soft and smooth to ever possibly belong to a girl who spent her left fighting to survive and a smell like gunpowder. 

Clarke isn't really surprised. 

Lexa was ethereal. A projection no matter how holy it thinks itself to be could never recreate that.

Though it does feel like her. Mostly.

She didn't get enough chances. She should have been allowed to press herself against Lexa for all her life. But she couldn't. She was only allowed once before Lexa's warmth faded forever in her own arms. 

This figment, more a silhouette of the woman she loved than any replication of her actual person allowed her some small comfort. 

She came back. Repeatedly, for years. Then again, Lexa always does. When Clarke needs her. From beyond life even she finds a way. 

At first, she had tried to resist. To refuse closeness to a duplicate who carried none of the love she and Lexa had forged. But when she offers news of Maddie's new life it feels like a mortal wound and a relieving balm all at once. The Lexa imitator reaches out and embrace her as she weeps, away from her friends. Away from anyone. 

So eventually, she stops fighting. She leans in to the touch and then further. Leans in and presses her lips against lips that are not truly Lexa's but warm and pliant like hers. Touches skin to soft and smooth but covered in the same beautiful tattoos she had traced so long ago. Pressed her fingers inside a heat she doesn't recognize but relished all the same.

It was like being with a stranger seen everyday. Like a neighbor or the friend of a friend. 

She is different. Even her face, as close as it comes to being the right face is different somehow. 

Older maybe. 

She'd never realized at the time how truly young Lexa had been. She's older now than Lexa was ever given a chance to be. They'd been apart for so much longer than they had been together. 

Still, in these moments she had she could close her eyes and just pretend that the body beside her was Lexa's, her Lexa. 

The Lexa who had never cast judgement against her. Lexa who never accused or chastised or punished her. Lexa who only loved, loved, loved her. So tenderly, so quickly, so easily. 

No, it isn't really Lexa. 

It is, but not. 

But it doesn't matter. Not really. 

Lexa's love would always be with her.

**Author's Note:**

> I hate the show. I don't know what was happening. It didn't fix anything it doesn't undo the hurt. But seeing her there again. It felt like I took a breath that I'd been holding since March four years ago.


End file.
